He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
