My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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