Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
