I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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