Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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