why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
