I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
