my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
