I'm going to jail i love you
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You're like the curious george of whores
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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