At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
