If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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