if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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