Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
