glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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