Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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