Rock
Scissors
Fuck
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
farters have to be the big spoon...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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