i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
