Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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