If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i came on her dog
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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