did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
