I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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