That's when you crack a 10am beer
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
