During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
