I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
God, I missed his penis.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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