I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Damn victory sex feels great
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
