No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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