at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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