upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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