He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
