The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
