please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
