I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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