dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
