I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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