I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
