Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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