right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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