You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
