I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
