toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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