I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
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