Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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