My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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