Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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