By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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