So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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