She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
