wanna go halves on a baby?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
