and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
