I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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