I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize