Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
