I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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