I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
