a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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