And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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