apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
