im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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