Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
