Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
