I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
