I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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