DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
