i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
