He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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