The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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