No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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