Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
