Please, let me fuck your mom
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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