did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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