yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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