I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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