Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
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