Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
