I just threw up on my dentist
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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